Here are more video game characters that look like schlongs


The American public now has unprecedented knowledge about their current president, Donald Trump, and which Mario Kart character his doingle looks like. It's Toad.

Performer Stormy Daniels claims it looks like Toad from Mario Kart. This guy:

Apparently, President Donald Trump's genitals look like Toad.
Image via Nintendo


Before you close this tab and leave the internet forever, give us a second. Let us be the last webpage you read. Because, good reader, Toad is hardly the only phallic hero in the video game kingdom. They come in all shapes and sizes.

We've been thinking this one over in our heads. Ruminating over it. To get the best possible description of any past, present or future American president's executive office, we'd like to provide a line-up of other video game characters to pull from.

So without further ado, here's a couple other video game characters that look like a pocket rocket.

Bullet Bill

Bullet Bill is thick, fast, and would best used to describe the folks out there packing some heat.


Cappy is probably a much better description of the president's schlong.
Image via Nintendo

Kirby has to inhale extra hard to take out this otherwise basic enemy.


Toadette is the feminine penis equivalent of Toad.
Image via Nintendo

For those with a feminine penis, we suggest describing it as a "Toadette."


Image via Nintendo

Seriously, what is it with Nintendo and mushrooms? This one is from Pikmin, by the way.


Image via Square Enix

Watch out for those 1000 needles.


That neck is way too long and phallic.
Screengrab via Square Enix

Speaking of Final Fantasy, Garuda's neck gave us nightmares.


Does this look like President Trump's penis. Ms. Daniels?
Image via Sega

Sega wasn't immune from creating the occasional penis monster either. Here's one of our "favorites" from Nights Into Dreams.


Image via Nintendo

And we're back to phallic Nintendo characters. Fun fact: Kakuna evolves from a Weedle, who also looks... Well... See for yourself.

Image via Nintendo


Combusken is sporting the full package.
Screengrab via OLM

Now that's what we call a full package.


Image via Nintendo

Okay okay, enough with the Pokémon we could do that all day. You're off the hook for now, Exeggutor.


Hahaha. Neat. Gross.


Shin Megami Tensei sports dozens of phallic characters.
Image via Atlus

That's one subtle chaos demon, Shin Megami Tensei.


You're gonna have a bad time.
Screengrab via Toby Fox

Undertale has a skele-ton of interesting characters, but Sans by far looks the most like a real prick.


Metroids from Metroid look pretty phallic, to say the least.
Image via Nintendo

We give up. Nintendo, you've clearly got some issues to work out.

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