While it is possible to play the Hitman games completely straight, taking the most sensible route to the target, that is missing half the fun. The team at IO Interactive put many creative, brutal, and downright hilarious weapons into the Hitman franchise. If you want to let Agent 47 have some fun on the job, here are the 10 funniest weapons in Hitman games.
The funniest weapons in the Hitman franchise – our top 10 picks
Comedy often relies on having a great straight man to react to the absurdity of the situation. Agent 47 is one of the best in the business because his almost indifferent expression to the bizarre ways he kills people makes them that much more hilarious. In another life, he would have been perfectly at home in the best comedy games of all time, but for now, he has to express his hilarious side through murder.
An Electrifying Photograph – Hitman 3
Technically, it is the wires that do the killing in this assassination, but they won’t kill the target until Agent 47 takes the most perfectly timed photo of all time, so we’re blaming the camera for this one. As part of the One for the Ages challenge in Hitman 3, you can expose some wires next to a fountain where Alexa Dartmoor just happens to sit for a family photo later. Once you do, just snap the picture and let the combination of water and electricity finish the job.
Cigarettes and an oxygen tank – Hitman 2
Smoking is never cool, kids, but it can be hilarious if used to take out a bad guy. Rather than wait for the effects of emphysema to take their toll, Agent 47 can tamper with an oxygen tank in Janus’ house during the Whittleton Creek story mission. Once he’s done that, it is just a case of placing a pack of smokes where Janus will find them and wait for his addiction to get the better of him. The oxygen tank that had been keeping him alive will instead speed his trip to the afterlife.
Crystal Ball – Hitman (2016)
Matthieu Mendola is smart, but even intelligent people have their downfalls. During the A House Built on Sand mission in Marrakesh, Agent 47 can disguise himself as a fortuneteller and lure Mendola in to have his fortune read. Unfortunately, his gruesome future is crystal clear as Agent 47 bashes his head on the table. It is a hilarious way to finish the mission and makes the crystal ball one of the funniest weapons ever used in the Hitman franchise.
Explosive Golf Ball – Hitman 3
The best kills in the Hitman franchise allow you to use the target’s vices against them. There are a few targets that include golf as part of their routine, allowing you to use the explosive golf ball to complete your mission. Make sure the explosive device is in the bucket of balls when they approach, and it will conveniently be on the first one that they pick up. From there, just sit back and wait for the fireworks.
Faulty Ejector Seat – Hitman (2016)
You don’t need to look far in the Hitman franchise to know what kind of game it is. During one of the early training missions for the 2016 reboot of the series, you’re informed of two things; the target loves military hardware, and the jet in level has a faulty ejector seat. It doesn’t take much convincing to get Jasper Knight into the cockpit and, a few moments later, into the center of an impressive fireball.
Gravity – Hitman 3
You don’t put a Hitman mission on the world’s tallest building if you’re not going to drop someone off of it. By triggering an evacuation in the Dubai mission, you can force both Ingram and Stuyvescant to flee the tower by parachute. However, if “someone” happened to sabotage their parachutes ahead of time with a kitchen knife, then they would simply plummet to their doom.
Industrial Fan – Hitman 2
While on the set of a Bollywood film, there are numerous ways to take out Dawood Rangan. One of the funniest involves sabotaging the industrial fan the crew is using for wind effects in the movie. If you wait for Rangan to take to the set, he’ll be wearing a set of wings as part of his costume. Simply turn the fan on at the right moment, and he’ll be sent flying off the top of the Mumbai skyscraper in one of the funniest deaths in the Hitman franchise.
Light Rigging – Hitman 3
This environmental kill allows Agent 47 to flex his creative muscles while on the job. By loosening the light fixture in a Berlin nightclub, you can take out both Agents Montgomery and Banner while spinning some tracks for the club’s patrons. Steal the DJ’s clothes from the backstage area, and you can complete your assignment and drop the bass at the same time.
Mrs. Yates – Hitman 3
We’ve all been in a job where we ask, “Can’t someone else do it?” Now, someone else can. Completing the Domestic Disturbance challenge in Hitman 3 will require you to inform Mrs. Yates that it was her husband who ruined her career. Once you hand over the files, you can technically walk away and wait for her to do the deed, or you can watch and revel in the chaos you have wrought.
Toilets – All Hitman games
We understand that this one is a bit low-brow, but it never gets old to kill someone with a toilet. It is gross and effective since the water stifles most of their screams. The weirdest part of drowning someone in a toilet in the Hitman franchise is that the games count it as an Accidental Death, even if Agent 47 is actively pushing their head into the bowl at the time.
