Hackett’s Quarry Performance Review: Every character in The Quarry ranked as camp counselors

Attention, staff: your end-of-summer evals are ready.

Image via Supermassive Games

For most, The Quarry is about diving into Supermassive Games’ latest horror story about young counselors attempting to survive their final, terrifying night at summer camp. They just want to have a good time trying not to get teens murdered as they uncover whatever mystery the developers have drawn up for that particular scenario. I came at this one a bit differently.

Prior to jumping into writing about video games, I spent 11 years working in summer camps. From a normal camp counselor like the Hacketeers all the way up to my camp’s assistant director, I essentially held every position someone can without being the David Arquette of my summer retreat. Part of my job at camp was, as you’d expect, managing the counselors every day to make sure they were providing a safe, fun time for the campers. That also meant sitting in countless mid- and end-of-summer evaluations to give counselors feedback and get them back on track as needed.

Screenshot via DoubleXP

This meant that, as I was playing through The Quarry, I wasn’t really paying attention to the counselor’s survival skills (unless of course, they’re signed up to teach Outdoor Living Skills). Instead, I was writing notes about how they handled each situation and how that would translate into the cabin. Were these teens capable of running a tight ship while still giving the campers the time of their lives? Could they keep dozens of kids safe in hectic situations? Would I have to worry about their hormones taking priority? I put my 11 years to work and ranked each of the playable counselors (outside of one very minor section toward the end of the game) based on how they’d handle being in the cabin.

Note: I’ll do my best to keep spoilers light, but it’s going to be impossible. I’d definitely recommend finishing The Quarry before reading further. Also, if you’re reading this and used to work for me, none of the bad anecdotes are about you. Probably.

8) Emma Mountebank

Image via Supermassive Games

Related: How to make Emma survive in The Quarry

If you’ve finished The Quarry, you might be surprised to see Emma taking the bottom spot. There’s another person (who’s coming up very soon) who many would probably assume is the worst counselor of the bunch, but I actually think it’s Emma. The first clue is how much she’s on her phone the second she gets it back from the director Chris Hackett. Now, being on your phone isn’t anything new for directors to deal with. In fact, it might even be the biggest issue most directors have if they have a no-phone policy.

The issue with Emma is that she seems even more obsessed with it and her image than most normal teens. That hints to me that she’s a very self-absorbed counselor who is probably just here because she thinks it’d be fun or look good on a resume. If the game had said Emma had come to Hackett’s Quarry as a camper, I wouldn’t be surprised. You see that a lot where campers think counselors are cool so they want to be one when they get older — even if they have no desire to work with kids. Then, they just buy several sets of skorts and hang out by the tennis court all day without actually teaching anyone to play tennis. Not that that scenario has ever happened to me or anything.

These are the worst counselors. They never want to do anything and are just waiting for their next off day so they can get away from the campers. Emma tops it off by basically confirming she’s been sneaking off with Jacob all summer. I wouldn’t knock anybody too much for that. I mean, that’s how I met my wife, so I’m not going to throw much shade, but it adds up and gets her the bottom spot on my list.

7) Jacob Custos

Screenshot by Gamepur

Related: How to make Jacob survive in The Quarry

This is probably who most people were expecting to see at the very bottom. Jacob is always hanging out with Emma, oversells his own abilities, is incredibly reckless, and is kind of an idiot. I mean, the dude pointed a loaded gun at his fellow counselors. That’s probably enough to get sent home at most camps if you’re doing that around kids.

However, we don’t see Jacob around kids and there are some hints that he could at least be the “cool counselor.” Notice, I didn’t say good, but Jacob proves several times that he’s always down to have a good time. With the right guidance, you can use someone like that to pump up kids ahead of games or pull a kid out of a bad case of homesickness.

That doesn’t make him a good counselor, but I definitely can see a world where Jacob could at least make it to mediocre. I’m not sure if I see that same potential for Emma. If nothing else, I would absolutely be getting him on the stage to do the Peanut Butter Pops song to call in campers for snack time at least once a session.

6) Nick Furcillo

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Related: How to make Nick survive in The Quarry

Because we just don’t see much from him Nick has to rank low on this list. We do witness him being a consummate wingman for the other male counselors, which can be a good thing. If you pair him with someone like Jacob in a cabin, he can balance out that puppy dog energy and make sure kids aren’t using sunscreen for shampoo (yes, that actually happened).

Nick is firmly in the solid category of counselors, at least based on what we see. He could very well be the best of the lot, but his story doesn’t give us much time to learn about him. Though, I shouldn’t end without mentioning that his accent will definitely be a conversation starter for campers if my experience tells me anything. Just slap on that Aussie charm and at least half the camp is going to automatically think you’re the coolest dude there.

5) Abigail Blyg

Image via Supermassive Games

Related: How to make Abi survive in The Quarry

Is Abigail a bad counselor? Probably not. However, we learn early in the game that she essentially doesn’t leave the art room. Some camps have counselors with specific jobs, but I’d prefer someone who’s willing to move around a bit. Even if you absolutely love the arts (or theater or sports), not doing anything else is going to make for a boring summer. If you’re getting bored, just imagine how the campers feel.

Sure, being in the air conditioning all summer is great, but the best counselors really put themselves out there and try just as many new things as the kids they’re working with. Live a little, Abi!

That said, we also see Abi being the most sensitive member of the bunch. Being more in touch with your feelings can make you an exceptional counselor if you’re paired with someone that’s a little more assertive in the cabin. I’d put Abi with someone like Kaitlyn in my youngest girl’s cabin and be pretty confident they’ll be in great hands. Abi simply ranks a little lower because she doesn’t seem as versatile as some of the other counselors and could turn into a pushover if partnered with older campers.

4) Ryan Erzahler

Image via 2K

Related: How to make Ryan survive in The Quarry

Ryan seems like a great counselor on the surface. Chris seems to trust him as his number one guy in the trenches and he’s usually taking charge in high-pressure situations. We also know that he’s a veteran camper, which can come in handy, especially when werewolves are stalking the camp, looking for their next bite to eat.

The issue is that Ryan seems to misuse the trust Chris gives him. Not only did he sneak his phone into his cabin (a huge no-no in the camping world), but he’s also telling ghost stories to young campers. He knows that Chris will always have his back and appears to be using that in this favor, which is never a good look for a veteran counselor. Yes, you’ve been there before, but when you start getting too comfortable, you start making mistakes. 

Ryan also is a bit of a loner. We’ve got nothing against dudes who love the undead, and not every counselor needs to be as in your face as Jacob, but we need some more pep in that step, Ry-guy. I’m not expecting you to run into the mess hall singing for breakfast because I’d never ask anyone to do something I won’t. We just need some energy in that voice when we’re hanging out with campers. Some days you have to convince them they’re having fun and Ryan couldn’t do that even if they’re going to Disney World with that monotone voice.

3) Laura Kearney

Image via 2K

Related: How to make Laura survive in The Quarry

Laura is probably the toughest to place. That makes a lot of sense considering she never actually came to camp for the summer. Instead, she was dealing with werewolf-adjacent things that we won’t spoil here.

What we do see is someone that’s resourceful, willing to do the dirty work, and works well with others. We also know she was set to be the nurse assistant (which isn’t something I’ve ever seen a counselor do, but every camp is different). Considering how well she handled a certain slashing during her story, we think she can probably tolerate any scrape or bruise a camper can throw at her without much problem.

Unfortunately, we don’t see enough of Laura interacting with her co-counselors to place her any higher. She might be the best counselor of the bunch, but those pesky werewolves kept us from coming to that conclusion. At the very least, we’re wholly confident that she can take care of any snake or raccoon problems the camp might run into.

2) Dylan Lenivy

Screenshot by DoubleXP

Related: How to make Dylan survive in The Quarry

Even as I made this list, Dylan’s placement surprised me. He’s kind of an idiot who’s always looking for the next quip and calls emergency services “ninety-one-one.” Can you trust someone like that? It also doesn’t seem like Dylan really believes in his director, which probably isn’t the best thing for a young counselor and, like most of these counselors, has quite the vulgar vocabulary.

However, Dylan is legitimately funny at times and kids tend to appreciate the effort even if you aren’t that funny. In fact, they tend to laugh at a lot more bad jokes than most adults I know if your delivery is on point. Plus, we see Dylan taking real initiative as both a camper and counselor in setting up and keeping the camp radio running.

That’s huge for a director. If you have someone you can trust to take something off your plate, you might well treat them as valuable as a silver bullet. Dylan might not be the best of the bunch in terms of interpersonal relationships, but he’s an asset that I’d love to see on the first day of a new summer. I just hope his taste in music is better than some of those “jokes.”

1) Kaitlyn Ka

Image via Supermassive Games

Related: How to make Kaitlyn survive in The Quarry

Kaitlyn is easily the best counselor out of this bunch. She is the definition of leadership material. From the jump we see Kaitlyn taking her role at camp seriously. The majority of camp injuries happen when the counselors let their guards down and are hanging out without the campers. Even with everyone gone, Kaitlyn still maintains range discipline during Jacob and Nick’s shoot-off. She still has a good time, but lives by a director’s favorite rule: “safety never takes a holiday.”

We also know that she took over Laura’s role as the nurse assistant when Laura didn’t show up. Like Dylan, I want people on our staff that take initiative and solve problems for us. Missing two counselors for an entire summer is going to have a huge impact. If you have someone like Kaitlyn who can step up and fill that role (while still keeping up with her own responsibilities), that’s somebody you want to hold onto.

All I’m saying is that if Chris makes it through the night and isn’t calling Kaitlyn to ask her to be his assistant director next year, something’s wrong. Heck, seeing as how Chris put his entire group of campers and staff at major risk for like six years, maybe the Hackett family should just give Kaitlyn the director position at this point. At the very least, she isn’t going to be getting anyone mauled by supernatural beasts if they stick around for an extra day at their favorite summer destination.